Sing Me to Sleep
by TheRedHat
Summary: Set using scenes from 4x15 and 4x16, following Rachel's pregnancy story line if it had gone differently. The prologue is basically the final scene in 4x15 and the first scene from 4x16 with some little extra bits added. From there it's all original. It also mentions the songs that the character would sing in the scene and involves a little bit of Finchel.
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

_Santana looks at Rachel and, finally confident that they are alone after all, seizes the opportunity to talk to Rachel about something that has been bothering her all afternoon. _

"**Okay. Look, now that we're alone, I want to talk to you about what I found in your bathroom trashcan underneath some wadded up tissue paper, the used cotton swabs and the soiled acne wipes," **_Santana says, rushing so that Rachel doesn't have a chance to interrupt her. Santana acts tough and carefree but she still remembers how badly she handled things last time. Quinn was her friend and Santana wasn't there like she should have been. She remembers how this same issue changed Quinn's life so drastically that you wouldn't believe it had been the same girl. Even though sometimes Rachel annoys the living hell out of her, she doesn't want Rachel to change who she is because of this._

"**An item which, unless Lady Hummel's actually been a lady all these years, could have an only been yours."**

"**I don't know what you're talking about," **_Rachel says as calmly as she can. Still she can feel the sting of tears forming in her eyes and her heart begins to pound in her chest. She curses herself for being so stupid. She should have gotten rid of the damn test while she had a moment alone. She would have if it didn't mean having to see it again. She just wanted it all to go away._

"**Rachel," **_Santana starts, looking__at this once so innocent young girl in disbelief. _**"You're really not gonna tell me about the stick?"**

_Rachel takes a deep breath, trying to get her emotions under control. As soon as she breaks even a little, she knows she won't be able to stop and Santana will know for sure. _

"**You had no right!"**_ she says, trying to pin the blame for all this on Santana. Her voice breaks on the last word, choked with the tears that won't stop from rising. _

"**Rachel, I'm your friend. You can trust me. Just tell me what's going on?"**_ Santana replies. She sits there and watches as Rachel's face crumples and then Rachel begins to sob, raising her hand to cover her face. Santana already saw the test, she knew what it said, knew what was coming. Still, having it in her face, seeing the despair in Rachel's eyes, she just can't process it all. Rachel melts forwards and Santana shifts to wrap her arms around her, hugging her tightly like a mother or a sister would. _

"**Oh God,"**_ Santana whispers to herself, and then, because what else is there to say right to her friend she repeats "_**You're gonna be okay. It's okay. It's gonna be okay."**

**/ / /**

_Santana was the one to convince her to go to the clinic, although Rachel knew it was something she'd have to do sooner rather than later. _

"_**Seriously," **__Santana had said later in the evening, waiting until after Rachel had showered and been given the chance to calm down. __**"You've got to go and see a proper doctor. I mean, even you aren't Finn-naïve, you know home tests can sometimes be wrong. And if it is accurate, even more reason for you to go!"**_

_As she shuts the door to the doctor's office behind her and walks down the hall towards the waiting room she struggles to stay composed. She's made up her mind about it all, if she tells Santana she knows it will lead to her having to tell the father, and then it will make her confused about her decision. Besides, it's only a little lie. Rachel steps out into the waiting room where Santana sits, flipping through a magazine. She remembers when they found out Quinn was pregnant, how different things were. She never thought she'd be in a place like this with Santana. Never thought that Quinn and Santana might be people she'd come to rely upon herself. She especially never thought she would say that she does love them, even Santana. With a short sigh she knows that she's making the right choice by lying. It won't hurt anyone._

_Santana hears a sigh and looks up, quickly dropping the magazine and leaping up off the lounge. She doesn't know what to expect from Rachel but all she really wants is for it to be what is best for Rachel right now. She know Rachel deserves to be happy. _

"**False alarm," **_Rachel says and Santana relaxes just a little._** "Thank god! I'm so happy. I'm so glad this is all over with," **Rachel quickly adds, hugging Santana tightly. Santana smiles, happy that this time things have worked out better for her friend.

"**Thank you for taking me here today," **Rachel says, releasing Santana and takes a step back. She takes a quick moment to check Santana believes her story and then says **"Alright. I'm gonna go to class." **

_Rachel is about to leave, she needs a lot of time to herself before she has to face the next few days, but Santana isn't satisfied just yet. _

"**Woah! Hey, that's it? That's all you have to say about this?"**_ Santana says, and Rachel begs her to just let it go. _

"**The doctor gave me the all clear, what else is there?" **_Rachel finally replies, trying to play dumb. She hopes that Santana hasn't already figured out she's lying, even though a tiny little part of her wants Santana to know because a tiny part of her is scared about her decision. Of course, her actress inside tells her that she has thought through this plan, that even while she deals with the inner turmoil of her soul, she is a born actress and even Santana isn't that good. _

"**Rachel, you can't just blow past this like nothing ever happened! This is a wake-up call! This is an opportunity for you to take a hard look at the choices you're making and where your life is heading," **_Santana tells her. Rachel can see there is more and waits for the inevitable insult to grace Santana's lips. On queue Santana adds _**"Starting with Donkey Face."**

**/ / /**


	2. Chapter 2

**Part One**

_Rachel sits alone in her apartment, looking at the pamphlets she took from the doctor's office and sings Don't You Worry Child by Swedish House Mafia. As the song finishes, Rachel begins to cry, curling up on the lounge. She hears someone at the door and sits bolt upright, wiping the tears from her eyes and sitting on the pamphlets. _

"**Hey Rach, I was looking for you at NYADA but you weren't there and Brody said…" **_comes Kurt's voice and then he looks at her. He knows Rachel, she cries a lot over silly things, and she's overly dramatic like that. But he also knows that she's been acting a little strange the last couple of days and she missed class. Rachel never misses classes. Especially not to just sit around at home._ **"What's happened?"**

"**It's nothing," **_Rachel says, waving a hand to signal that she's fine._

"**Should I call Santana? You two seems friendly all of a sudden," **_Kurt teases._

_Rachel gives him a short glare, even though she knows she shouldn't. Kurt isn't doing anything wrong; he's just trying to be there for her. Still, she just wants to get this over with without anyone else finding out. _

"**Rachel, come on. You can tell me anything, you know that," **_Kurt says, sitting down beside her and resting on hand on her shoulder. Kurt thinks about all the possibilities for why Rachel would be so upset that she'd choose not to go to class. _**"Is this about what Santana said about Brody? Because even though I sort of see her point, I'm sure Brody is just a normal guy. I mean, it's not like Santana doesn't have a tendency to exaggerate or lie about things."**

"**I'm fine Kurt. I just needed a break. Just one day."**

"**Are you sure? Because Adam is waiting downstairs and we were going to get some coffee. You can come if you want?" **_Kurt offers. Rachel shakes her head and watches as Kurt shuts the door behind him. Kurt walks down to the entrance where Adam waits._

"**Was she there?" **_Adam asks Kurt, taking his hand from his hand and walking onto the street._

"**Yeah. I'm worried about her though. I'm gonna call Santana. Perhaps she can get it out of Rachel. After all, Santana really is hard to refuse."**

"**I've noticed that," **_Adam laughs as Kurt dials her number. He knows something happened between them a couple of nights ago and perhaps whatever it was is related. He doesn't care if he never knows; he just wants to help Rachel feel better. She's his best friend after all, and someone he's always been able to count on. _

**/ / /**

"**Alright Berry, you've got five seconds to talk or I'm calling everyone I know, including your dads and Shelby if I have to. What is going on?" **_Santana asks, storming into the apartment. She should have known Rachel was lying. She knows home tests aren't always right, but they aren't super inaccurate either. Besides, Rachel seemed so quick to dismiss it all, almost as if she wanted to pretend it never happened._

"**Santana, you can't just barge in here and demand that I tell you everything about my life okay?! That's not how this works."**

"**4…"**

"**Santana, stop it. This is ridiculous!"**

"**No. What's ridiculous is that you're lying to me. I told you I was your friend. I went with you to the clinic and everything and you flat out lied to me!" **_Santana yells, waving her phone in front of Rachel. _**"3."**

"**I'm not lying to you. I don't know what you're talking about."**

"**2…"**

"**1...By the way, Finn is the first one on my speed dial. And you know he'll be here on the next flight if he thinks you're in any kind of danger," **_Santana says. Not Finn, Rachel thinks, it will take him about a second to figure it out. He can't ever know this happened. _

"**I am," **Rachel whispers, so softly that she prays Santana heard. She doesn't know if she can say it again.

"**Rachel. Why didn't you just tell me that? Wait…is it? Please tell me it's not plastic man's spawn?" **_Santana says, shaking her head. She places the phone on the table._

"**I…it could be."**

"**Could be?"**

"**It could also…possibly, be Finn's."**

"**The Wedding?" **_Santana asks, though of course it must have been. It's the last time they were both together in the same room. It was about a month ago, Santana thinks to herself. She's not sure which one she would prefer, though at least she trusts Finn. He'd stand by Rachel. He was going to for Quinn. _

"**Yes. Santana, you can't tell anyone. It's all being dealt with. I have another appointment next week and after that it'll be all over for real. Just keep quiet until then."**

"**You really should tell … Finn and Brody I guess."**

"**Why? I'm not changing my mind. My life, my dream. It's Broadway. You and I know that Santana. It's where I belong. I can't do any of that if I have a baby now. Maybe in the future, but not now. I just can't."**

"**Please just tell whichever one of them is the father. The father deserves to know. You still deserve the final say, but maybe you'll regret it. Would it hurt to just talk to them?"**

"**Can't you just…Santana, I appreciate that you're trying to help but I've made up my mind and nothing is going to change it!"**_ Rachel says, hopping up and sweeping the pamphlets into her arms. Santana tries to stop her but Rachel brushes her off and slams her bedroom door shut, leaving Santana out in the living room. _

**/ / /**

_Rachel sits with the phone in her hand and looks at the pictures she keeps of her and Finn, then at the few she has with Brody. She knows that if she was sure it was Finn's, without a doubt, she would have told him. Santana is right, he deserves to know. But what if it's not? She can't do that to him again. She looks through her diary again, and even though she's still not 100% certain she almost is. Chances are, the tiny baby that barely exists right now is Finn's. But it's still a chance. She dials his number, one press and she could tell him. If she's right. So many ifs. And in the end, does it really matter? Would she keep it if he asked?_

"**Sorry baby," **_Rachel says, putting the phone down. Her finger hits the call button without her noticing. Finn picks it up on the second ring, but when he hears Rachel speaking he realises she has called him accidently. He should hang up, but then she says the words he wishes he could un-hear. _

"**I can't tell your father. Finn's been through too much. It wouldn't be right. In two days, you'll be a tiny little memory in my heart and nobody will ever know except you and me, and Santana now. But you're mine, and you're his, and just know that if it was another time, another place, I might have kept you. I might have been thrilled to know I'd one day hold you in my arms. I'm so sorry baby."**

**/**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi everyone. So first of all, I'm sorry for the lack of writing lately. I have moved house and stuff has been crazy but I'll try to be better from now on. Secondly, one person noted that they didn't like the format of the story with the bold for speech/italics for thoughts and stuff. I like using this format to write because I can see clearly what the dialogue is and I know some readers like it because they can just focus then on the dialogue and ignore the other stuff. But I'm also understanding of people who don't like it. So if you review this chapter or the story in general, let me know how you would prefer it. Based on what you guys say I'll either change it all or continue with the way it is. Thanks so much for the other kind reviews and I hope you enjoy. **

**Part Two**

_Finn hangs up the phone and sits, looking at the background picture until it fades to black. It's a picture of Rachel, a picture she doesn't know he took when she was just sitting reading one afternoon. Her hair rolls down and covers half her face, but you can tell she's concentrating on the book. Finn should have changed the photo a long time ago, but he just can't bear to not see her face every day. He sings Don't Forget by Demi Lovato – thinking about his relationship with Rachel (If you've seen The Scientist by Coldplay, the flashbacks start from the wedding and go back to when they first met). When the song ends, Finn is seen at an airport._

**/ / /**

_Rachel wakes up to the sun in her face and looks at her phone. She's meant to be at class in half an hour, and even though she knows she's got no chance of making it, she pulls on some clean clothes and runs out the door. As she steps out onto the street she bumps into someone. Rachel quickly apologises without even looking up and turns to head towards the subway._

"**Rachel," **_Finn says. Rachel turns around and there he is, standing in front of her, a suitcase behind him. She would like to believe that it's a complete coincidence, but she thinks it's far more likely that someone called him. She doesn't want him here, he's just going to make things confusing for her. _

"**I have to get to class, I'm really late. Sorry," **_Rachel says, turning again and sprinting down the sidewalk until she rounds the corner. She hopes he'll just decide it's not worth it and go back to Lima. He doesn't want to be in New York, and she knows she needs to be here. This is the one thing she's always known about her life. She feels sick but she doesn't have time to stop today. She missed class yesterday and she wishes already that she had just gotten over it and gone. _

**/ / /**

_When Rachel arrives home, Finn isn't on the doorstep, which she takes as a good sign. Maybe he realised that it was a waste of time to come out here. Or maybe he came solely to get back together with her, and if that was the case, it's not like he would have stuck around after the way she acted this morning. She hopes that he isn't in the apartment, though as far as she knows no one should be home yet so she doesn't see how he could be. And yet, when she opens the door there he is, sitting on the lounge with his phone in his hands. He looks like she remembers he did when he found out Quinn was pregnant, but how could he know? And besides, it might not even be his. That's the more important part. _

"**Finn?"**

"**Rachel, we need to talk about something,"**_ Finn says, looking at her. He knows that the baby could be Brody's as much as he hates to admit it, but it feels like too much of a coincidence. It's fate. They belong together, him and her. They should be a family, regardless of the baby, he loves her. He wants to be with her for the rest of his life. _

"**Finn, we aren't getting back together. So if that's why you're here…" **

"**I think you know why I'm actually here. You weren't going to tell me?"**

"**Who told you?" **_Rachel says, sitting down beside him. She expects that it'll have been Santana, though why Santana would do that she doesn't understand. Santana promised her she was her friend and friends don't do things like this. _

"**You did. Not on purpose. I figured that out straight away. You must have dialled my number by accident. But I heard you talking about it, I heard my name. And I'm not dumb, I know how these things work and I know what you're planning to do. I don't want to force your decision but I just want a chance to discuss it."**

"**I can't keep it Finn. You've got to know that. You have to understand that, right?" **_Rachel says, but seeing him here, hearing him talk now, she realises how much she missed him, how much she still loves him. Wouldn't it be nice if they could be a family?_

"**What if I moved here? What if I looked after you and the baby? You could go back to class and I could stay at home. I just…I don't want us to make a decision we might regret one day."**

"**Finn," **_Rachel says, but she can't finish because she's crying. She's so sick of crying, but she can't stop it either. Finn picks up her hand and squeezes it tightly, a comforting presence that she just doesn't always feel with Brody. _**"It might not even be yours."**

"**Rach, I love you. Nothing is ever going to change that. And look, maybe it isn't mine and maybe even if it, this isn't the right time for us. But I want to be with you, and unless you do a DNA test, it could just as easily be mine. I'm okay with that, if it means I'm with you."**

"**I can't Finn. It's not that I don't believe you. I just…can't do this right now. Years from now maybe but not now. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," **_Rachel tells him, the tears streaming down her face. She leans in to Finn, pressing her face against his shoulder and it feels like she belongs there. Not for the first time she thinks about keeping the baby. In her heart she knows she's making the right choice, but her head is like a muddy lake, deep and murky and she's stepping blindly. What if she can't have another child? What if this is her one chance? _


End file.
